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get angry about rape.
You need to read this.
And then you need to read this.
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2009-06-12 08:21 pm (UTC)
Thanks for sharing.
2009-06-12 08:41 pm (UTC)
One of the things that got me through being raped was the knowledge that
not all men are like that
- because I grew up in a family of men
not like that
and had male friends
not like that
. Having examples of men who, while not white shining knights, are of the mindset that rape is a vileness that should never happen to anyone, ever, and anyone who'd perpetrate a rape should die in the most painful, merciless manner possible, helped. I went through a period where I hated sex, but I never hated men.
Unfortunately, it left me with a low tolerance for the poor women who don't have those examples, and for whom trust of the Y-factors has been damaged so severely. Which is not fair, even though I try to give them my support and not my pity.
2009-06-12 09:58 pm (UTC)
Both are really well written articles.
What gets under my skin about them is that I don't know what percentage of men are the type who will do the rape and what percentage won't, but I do know that the percentage of those who will actually stand the fuck up and do something about it seems awfully small.
I count myself among that small percentage. Because I have stood up and done something. In some cases it was getting another person and getting the person in danger out of there, in some it was beating the shit out of the rapist.
But I can't be everywhere.
To me, the most important way I can think of to contribute to this cause is to teach my son that rape and/or sexual harassament is NOT "cool" or "ok" and to stand up and be one of that small percentage.
And then that percentage grows just a little bit.
2009-06-12 11:25 pm (UTC)
Proud to be part of raising the next generation of males who will never rape anyone!!!
Because his father and his fathers father before him are decent fellows, and so are all his uncles another male friends that we have.
In fact, I've gone out of my way to surround my son with people who rock.
I wish others would do the same for themselves and their ofspring!
2009-06-13 12:26 am (UTC)
I do not believe I've ever been in a position to "stand up and do something about" a rape situation. I'd like to think I would if the situation came up. I consider myself one of the good guys.
One message I get from the first article is that it would be a good thing for the good guys to let it be known that women are safe around us, and that there are guys like us who won't rape them when their ability to consent is compromised, especially by highlighting situations in which we demonstrated our ability to act honorably.
Unfortunately, this comes off to me as encouraging us to say "Could have raped her, but I didn't." I don't think that would be as helpful as one might hope.
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2009-06-13 04:30 am (UTC)
The thing is, if men try to let it be known that women are safe around them, all the women's alarm bells are going to go off. Nice Guys (tm) are not the same as actually nice guys, and we're conditioned that if they have to tell us how nice they are, they probably aren't. Nice Guys (tm) are the ones who typically try to use the fact that they thought about raping the girl but didn't in order to get the girl to put out in sheer gratitude for just how Nice a Guy he is, and then if she doesn't reward him with sexual favors, gets nasty about how she owes him for being a decent human being. Which he wasn't, he was just playing one to get laid.
What I primarily get from the first article, as a woman who has been sexually assaulted on more than one occasion, is that it would be good for Good Men to let other guys know that the Good Men will not put up with other men treating women like sex toys. The demonstration of honorable behavior needs to happen between men and men, not men and women -- men need to tell each other that it's not right to assault women,
right to stop it when they see it happening, from inappropriate comments to a waitress all the way to a frat boy hauling a girl upstairs after slipping her a roofie.
I don't know if that helps clarify anything or not.
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