When I am Empress...

people who pinstripe or low-ride or otherwise trick out mini-vans (or any other vehicle, for that matter) in an attempt to make them look "cool" will be publicly flogged and required to drive bright orange Ladas.

So there.

To clarify an earlier comment...

Bright aqua mini-vans are ok. Dark green mini-vans with white racing stripes and giant vroom-vroom handles on the back are not. If your vehicle has racing stripes, fringe, flames (especially if it's a Chevy Caprice Classic), extra-wide tires, extra-low cowlings, super-bright non-standard headlights, unnecessary dual mufflers, extra-loud mufflers, excessive window tinting, extra-low tires, weird lights, excessive chrome, a vroom-vroom handle (counts double if it's a pickup truck), that weird full-window decal thing, flags of any nationality whether actual flags or merely artwork, extra antennae, offensive sound systems, any modifications to the suspension, or anything else I deem to be offensive that morning, your vehicle will be confiscated, you will be publicly flogged, it will be announced to the world that you have penis issues, and you will be required to drive a bright orange Lada. Or a Yugo.